by Helene Cohen
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20 July 2020
Later in the same year I introduced an inter-house poetry recital. Every child in the school had to learn a poem by heart and recite it to the rest of the year group, then 4 children in each year would be selected to represent their house on stage, in front of the entire Junior School. Chloë was to be no exception, so she duly learned her poem – naturally a silly one – and recorded it. We played that recording to the whole of her year group, with her in the room, another huge step forward. Every teacher and TA were allowed to hear this, so that now her voice had been heard by many. Chloë was widening her circle of friends and even speaking with some of them in school, out of the hearing or adults. Transition time again. As Chloë started year 6, we needed to consider her best interests for secondary school. It was felt that she would benefit from moving school, having a fresh start, as the key obstacle to her talking was now the fact that she hadn’t already done so and it would be a break from the norm for her. At a new school there would be no expectation of her silence, making it easier for her to speak. Our main target was for Chloë to be able to speak when starting secondary school. To that end, the summer break between years 5 and 6 included several home visits. We started by developing the use of the phone. Initially I wasn’t allowed to speak, just listen. I would text Chloë a question, ‘What did you have for breakfast?’ Chloë would have time to prepare her answer, then text me so that I knew the phone call was coming. I would answer the call and say nothing while Chloë spoke. This was using speaker phone at her end. The call would be ended. Gradually I was able to say ‘Hello’ and ‘Goodbye’, and then ask the question while on the phone, making it more like a conversation, albeit very structured. One advantage of the phone call is that it could happen throughout the school holiday, so that there was no break in communication. When I went away, we could still have our regular ‘chat’. As stated before, we have to keep the momentum going, moving forward in these small steps, so I brought the use of the phone into the home visits. For some time now we had been playing the card game ‘Fish’ as the talking task. Progress had been slow but constant, so I arranged for a home visit on a day when I could spend as long as was needed. Here’s how it went: We started by generally chatting, that is to say that I chatted with Chloë’s mother while she and her sister played. We then moved to the game 'Fish', using the ‘sliding in’ technique. I stood just outside of where they were playing, round the corner but within the room itself. I could just about make out Chloë speaking very quietly, but what was really noticeable was that her younger sister initially reverted to whispering herself. Being only six years old, when she forgot that I was there – as she couldn't see me – she started to talk properly. This was an important observation, as it showed how her sister had been mimicking Chloë’s behaviour, making herself at risk of selective mutism. Stopping the game, I spoke to Chloë alone and explained to her what was happening with her sister. As stated before, I have always been extremely open and honest with Chloë and she acknowledged that her sister was doing what I'd said. Although concerned that I might be putting pressure on her, I felt it important that Chloë understood this impact of her own difficulties. I then got Chloë to go upstairs and use my phone as a recording device to simply say her numbers, Ace to King as used in ‘Fish’. After she'd done this a few times, and her voice had become normal on the recording, I suggested that she phone me from her room to my mobile. Initially she did this evidently using speakerphone, so I suggested that she put the phone to her ear and repeated the numbers after me each time. I said, ‘Ace’, then she said, ‘Ace’; I said, ‘2’, then she said, ‘2’ etc. She did this in a clear normal voice, responding to me each time. I then got her to repeat the process standing in the upstairs hall, then sitting halfway down the stairs, then in the doorway to the lounge – with me reassuring her that I had my back to the doorway, then partway in the room, then to sit on the couch behind where I was and do it without the phone, repeating the words after me. Then I got her to stand directly behind me and repeat the words after me. By this time the words were in a very squeaky strained voice, but they were voiced not whispered. Chloë and I then played a game of ‘Fish’, where she was looking at me the whole time while saying the card she wanted. Again her voice was very quiet and squeaky but it was a definite voice and I could understand which card she was asking for each time. We then played the game once more with her mum and her sister joining us. Then before I left I got her to say, ‘Thank you’ for the cookies I'd taken in, and say goodbye to me. I still don’t know how I did that in such a nonchalant manner. My heart was racing and I wanted to shout my delight at this progress, but I knew that any indication that this was a big deal would blow it! I calmly walked to the car, drove round the corner and out of sight of her house, then allowed the pent up emotion to flow through my tears. Such feelings could only be shared with one who’d understand, so I phoned a close colleague who’d been sharing this journey. Together we could allow the necessary outpour. Year 6 was a year of key development, with colleagues emailing me examples of her progress. Chloë completed tests and exams, answering all questions, allowing her to achieve grades closer to her abilities; she joined in a dance routine in the school talent show; she was on stage for the sharing assembly, and played a recording of herself saying ‘Moo’ – she was a cow – in front of not only the entire Junior School, but many of the parents too; she had a go on the ‘Bucking Bronco’ at the summer fete, for all to see and joined in the Science revision quiz, pressing her loud buzzer and holding up an answer on a ‘show me’ board. The transition wasn’t straight forward and necessitated an appeal to get her into a school that was small enough to allow her to flourish. Our contact has also not ceased. How can it when it has been so intense? She is speaking at her Secondary School. However, the anxiety doesn’t miraculously disappear. As I said earlier in this chapter, selective mutism is not a choice. Her speech is quiet, and mostly in response to direct questions. She misses her friends from our school, although has become closer to one of the two girls who moved to the same school as her. The anxiety now shows through feeling unwell. Initially she was physically sick each day. This is no longer the case, but she still struggles to eat properly throughout the school day, depending on a good breakfast and food as soon as she returns to the security of her home. I don’t know if Chloë will ever talk calmly with me, but while I can’t deny that I would love to be able to chat easily with her, it doesn’t matter. It’s about Chloë. It always has been. It’s always about the person with the difficulty, it has to be. That’s the nature of the job. Our part is to come up with the steps that will facilitate progress, being patient throughout and keeping our emotions away from the child. The rewards are worth every second of time, drop of patience and tear shed. Postscript I visited Chloë’s mum (who I’ll call Naomi, to make this flow better while keeping the anonymity) after Chloë had moved to Senior school, which is how I knew of her progress in school. I have an open house once a year, and after a year had passed I invited Naomi to join us for this, along with the girls. My son does magic, and during this open house day, he performed card tricks for the girls, unaware that Chloë had SM. Chatting with my son later that day I discovered that Chloë had been talking with him, joking while he was performing the magic. I was both surprised and delighted. A few months later still, I was visiting Naomi during the school holidays. I had thus far only visited in term time, while Chloë was at school, as I felt she needed the space to move on. On this occasion, we were all in the living room, girls on their phones while Naomi and I nattered on. As usual, Naomi would turn to Chloë and we would include her in the conversation, with no expectation or pressure for her to talk. Then Naomi said something that she was a bit confused about and Chloë just corrected her, talking as though this was something she always did with me there, totally naturally, and Naomi and I just carried on the conversation as though this were the norm. Gradually Chloë joined in more and more with our conversation, joking, chatting, and of course, still playing or texting on her phone – she is a normal teenager after all. She popped into the kitchen to get a drink, taking her sister with her, and Naomi and I did a silent , excited, arm waving scream, quickly re-setting our grins into a normal facial expression before Chloë returned. As I left that day we did a silent excited ‘dance’ on the doorstep, out of Chloë’s sight and then I texted Naomi about how excited I felt about this and she texted back something similar. We were both surprised and delighted, especially as she had said, years earlier, that she wished she could talk with me but felt she never would. This was huge. I still visit and see the family when out and about – they live near to me. Each time we meet Chloë chats with me and it still feels wonderful, especially as her voice is natural and relaxed on these occasions. The shame is that people can assume that once there is speech the anxiety has gone. It’s sadly not that simple. There are still situations in which it is hard for Chloë to speak and some of the anxiety has transferred to other behaviours, such as eating in school. Chloë remains one of the most amazing communicators I know. Her eyes are full of expression, and she can convey meaning with or without words. When she speaks, aloud, she does so with that sense of fun and mischievous twinkle that was there when she was silent, making her more expressive than ever. I owe Cholë a great deal, as through her I have learned so much about small steps approaches, working with the specific child’s needs and strengths and ensuring that the child is always placed at the heart of any support. Patience is so important, and after all, my own rewards became far greater than I could ever have hoped. I meant what I wrote about it not mattering that Chloë hadn’t talked to me, but it mattered more that her silence had been broken so that she could access more at secondary school; however, I can’t deny the amazing glow of warmth every time we share our chat.